Auto Antics
It's 10:35pm...just got back to the office; had to pick up a mattress from home for the futon at the office. We've just moved into a new "space". It's so nice when you have a little space to play with...to have the option to do something with. Our previous 'space' was the antithesis of the word - translated more into 'matchbox' :) No regrets; you move on.
While driving through Koramangala, i encountered a big mosquito. Apparently Bangalore has 70,000 of these. For the biologists - believe me 70,000 of these mosquitos is waaayyyy too much...every time one of them passes by - i want to go
**SWAT**
...and hear a resounding
**SPLATTTTT**
and
**SQUISHHHH**
and
**PPPTTTHHHLLUNNSSSSHHH** (what fun it is to make up sounds :)
...to my utter dismay this is not possible. I would need a 2 ton Iron 'fly swatter' to ssqqqqqqqqqquiiiiiiisssssssshhhhhhhh one of these mosquitos. They're also called 'Auto's. And the poor souls who have to suffer the most are the auto drivers - until ofcourse roles are reversed and they prefer to rid their frustration on an often unsuspecting public.
There was an auto driver in front of me with a clear road ahead; so i honked asking his gracious permission to let me pass - he ignored me. Once. Twice. Thrice. By this time there's traffic building up behind me - and when he finally lets me pass, i'm a little ticked off. So i role down my window and say, "Arrey, side mein chalane ko nahi hota kya??" and carry on...i heard a distant "Oyye!!" as i drove past.
A red light up ahead, so i - very gingerly - brought the car to a halt. I was half expecting it - and right enough, our man walks up to the car and says, "Kya bol ke jata hai re? Humko piche dekhke gadi chalaneka hai kya?"
I'm like - "What the fuck..."
Me - "Tumhara rear view mirror nahi hai kya? Voh kya decoration ke liye dala hai kya?"
He'd been drinking.
Him - "Aye - humko piche dekhke chalaneka hai kya? Haat dikharaha hai aage janeko to aage jane ko nahi hota kya?"
It turns green and i can hear honking... this guy is really pissing me off. I step out of the car (or i think i already had by this time) and get in his face and say, "Aye, sala ma#$^&%ooth, apne auto mein baithke chalte bano, smjha kya? Daroo pikar chalata hai..sala, traffic cop ke paas chalega kya...baat karta hai"
"Oye...muchkund hogapa...aye..baaro, nodo..hero bandidare..."
The dialogue is simultaneous- better sense prevails...we heed the honking and drive on.
It doesn't stop there.
As i'm getting towards the end of viveknagar - the 'Auto Rajah' arrives!! I can hear the 70's kannada film chase sequence music in the background....he swerves from side to side...screeeeechhh.....screeeeecching while he's at it... tries to get me aggravated (not the wisest thing to stop in the middle of a local village area arguing with a drunk autodriver)...i'm quite amused by this - psychologically he has just given me the upper hand...i smile to him and myself and keep driving at the same pace.
We exit viveknagar, get onto the road approaching ashoknagar/victoria layout...it's a main road, so he has a little more room to zoom past the car and swerve a few times in front of us - still looking for a fight - i keep my distance. He swerves a few times more and stops to the left of the road in the hope that we'll do the same - and engage in a deep intellectual conversation about the sociological impact of falling onion prices..."Maybe some other time" - we had to turn right anyway, so we did.
Looking in my rearview mirror i could see him gesticulating wildly while throwing something in our direction; fortunately it didn't hit the car. We carried on till he was no bigger than a mosquito in the rear view mirror...much like the giant mosquito he drives around town.
I don't know what might have happened had we stopped and indulged him; guess we'll never know. My Ninjitsu teacher believes - "As far as possible, avoid getting into a fight. But once you're in a fight - make sure you win."
In hindsight, i think the stepping out of the car was avoidable..maybe i should've smiled at him as soon as he came up to the car - i doubt he would've known what to do. In any sort of fight or disagreement, the element of 'surprise' is always your 'ace of spades'. What i did was predictable.
Anyway, i have to get to keeping a few promises i've made. At the end of it all - your word is the only thing that's yours. I've given mine away too often...without backing it up....that needs to change.
While driving through Koramangala, i encountered a big mosquito. Apparently Bangalore has 70,000 of these. For the biologists - believe me 70,000 of these mosquitos is waaayyyy too much...every time one of them passes by - i want to go
**SWAT**
...and hear a resounding
**SPLATTTTT**
and
**SQUISHHHH**
and
**PPPTTTHHHLLUNNSSSSHHH** (what fun it is to make up sounds :)
...to my utter dismay this is not possible. I would need a 2 ton Iron 'fly swatter' to ssqqqqqqqqqquiiiiiiisssssssshhhhhhhh one of these mosquitos. They're also called 'Auto's. And the poor souls who have to suffer the most are the auto drivers - until ofcourse roles are reversed and they prefer to rid their frustration on an often unsuspecting public.
There was an auto driver in front of me with a clear road ahead; so i honked asking his gracious permission to let me pass - he ignored me. Once. Twice. Thrice. By this time there's traffic building up behind me - and when he finally lets me pass, i'm a little ticked off. So i role down my window and say, "Arrey, side mein chalane ko nahi hota kya??" and carry on...i heard a distant "Oyye!!" as i drove past.
A red light up ahead, so i - very gingerly - brought the car to a halt. I was half expecting it - and right enough, our man walks up to the car and says, "Kya bol ke jata hai re? Humko piche dekhke gadi chalaneka hai kya?"
I'm like - "What the fuck..."
Me - "Tumhara rear view mirror nahi hai kya? Voh kya decoration ke liye dala hai kya?"
He'd been drinking.
Him - "Aye - humko piche dekhke chalaneka hai kya? Haat dikharaha hai aage janeko to aage jane ko nahi hota kya?"
It turns green and i can hear honking... this guy is really pissing me off. I step out of the car (or i think i already had by this time) and get in his face and say, "Aye, sala ma#$^&%ooth, apne auto mein baithke chalte bano, smjha kya? Daroo pikar chalata hai..sala, traffic cop ke paas chalega kya...baat karta hai"
"Oye...muchkund hogapa...aye..baaro, nodo..hero bandidare..."
The dialogue is simultaneous- better sense prevails...we heed the honking and drive on.
It doesn't stop there.
As i'm getting towards the end of viveknagar - the 'Auto Rajah' arrives!! I can hear the 70's kannada film chase sequence music in the background....he swerves from side to side...screeeeechhh.....screeeeecching while he's at it... tries to get me aggravated (not the wisest thing to stop in the middle of a local village area arguing with a drunk autodriver)...i'm quite amused by this - psychologically he has just given me the upper hand...i smile to him and myself and keep driving at the same pace.
We exit viveknagar, get onto the road approaching ashoknagar/victoria layout...it's a main road, so he has a little more room to zoom past the car and swerve a few times in front of us - still looking for a fight - i keep my distance. He swerves a few times more and stops to the left of the road in the hope that we'll do the same - and engage in a deep intellectual conversation about the sociological impact of falling onion prices..."Maybe some other time" - we had to turn right anyway, so we did.
Looking in my rearview mirror i could see him gesticulating wildly while throwing something in our direction; fortunately it didn't hit the car. We carried on till he was no bigger than a mosquito in the rear view mirror...much like the giant mosquito he drives around town.
I don't know what might have happened had we stopped and indulged him; guess we'll never know. My Ninjitsu teacher believes - "As far as possible, avoid getting into a fight. But once you're in a fight - make sure you win."
In hindsight, i think the stepping out of the car was avoidable..maybe i should've smiled at him as soon as he came up to the car - i doubt he would've known what to do. In any sort of fight or disagreement, the element of 'surprise' is always your 'ace of spades'. What i did was predictable.
Anyway, i have to get to keeping a few promises i've made. At the end of it all - your word is the only thing that's yours. I've given mine away too often...without backing it up....that needs to change.
