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....i was driving on my way over to work and caught the middle of 'Where the streets have no name' by U2...towards the end it breaks into this guitar solo by The Edge.....i felt a tremendous sense of release while hearing it play....the road was clear....so was the day....and it just felt so all encompassing....overwhelming.....i dont know why....i guess i was connecting with the passion in the song....in the guitar....

I've been feeling of late that - that passion is missing in my life....that zest for living....that 'wake up in the morning and want to kick someone in the balls' feeling......hehehe....it's not as warped as it sounds :)...just that - i'm drawing parallels with the rush that you feel when you're in the throes of love....or feeling the misty spray of the ocean on your face....or the passion and concentration with which sportsmen represent their country....

That passion is missing in me....Not that i've not been experiencing life completely - i have....but in stops and starts....and it's nobody else's fault or doing but my own.

I mean....i've just let myself be overcome by the cynicism of working on my own a lot of the time - instead of looking at it as an opportunity.....as a result of that, i haven't been focussing on work as much....on family as much....and other equally important areas of my life right now.........

At the same time, passion is something you can't force....you either feel it or you don't. And the true feeling comes from within and not as a result of people, events and circumstances around you...

The true feeling is like climaxing.....it is. You're so there in that moment.....that you connect......with the music.

That's what i felt this morning.


....as i was driving past Viveknagar, i saw a bunch of people looking into a lane....as i passed the lane, i saw a group of about 25 kids in their parade uniform, marching in the same spot while the band played....

Why is it that we feel and realize our freedom of and through independence...and feel the passion for all things 'Indian', on only one day? Or we feel it to this degree on one day....i mean, newspapers take out 40pg supplements on what we've achieved in the last 50 - 60 years and looking forward to the next 60years, life will be like this and like that and what not...and there is a big hu-ha about everything and shor-sharaba for a week following...and life goes on.

TOI has made a business of selling gimmicks - every few months they come up with a new 'India Shining' or 'India Forward' campaign...roping in AB and now SRK...for the 'I Do' or 'We Do' campaign? What the fuck do 'we do'? I mean, it's great if you're creating awareness and getting people interested in the country and it's growth and where we're going....but there's a limit to sensationalism dude.

If someone undertook the Dandi March today - they'd cover him through his travel, have a few interviews with his supporters, talk about his life, make a big event of his reaching his destination, the whole issue would maybe come up in parliament for a discussion, the news channel would follow it for a few more days - then there'll be a bomb blast or a kidnapping or AB catching a cold...and the entire focus shifts.

This is the state of news in our country. And this is how most of us feel and expect information to be fed to us for atleast 45 of the 52 weeks. The balance weeks making up mostly sundays where we go to the mall or sleep at home or 'catch up with friends'.

Honestly - when you last heard the national anthem playing on a non-national holiday - did you actually stand up out of 'patriotic pride and respect'? Probably not. Most people are just to conscious of even standing up for a song that spells of 'solidarity of a nation'....bollocks man....really....

And these are all examples of us living in the moment - feeling fits and spurts of passion....not completely giving ourselves to the moment to experience the passion fully and completely. I mean....if we really connected with that 'nationalist' sentiment....in whatever way....but just once a week...or a few weeks....and did something as a result of feeling something passionately - maybe that would make more of a difference and possibly even better 'news' than just some one off dandi march by a wannabe 21st century gandhi.

The passion to feel and experience that freedom completely. The passion to feel and experience that freedom in every area of life....

to feel that passion completely....to connect with the music....to give and not expect.....to not be scared.....to not worry about repurcussions....or cook up consequnces....to just 'be'. And 'feel'. And 'experience'.

Completely.

.....i know i've felt it in some degree in writing all this....

''...raindrops and dance...
Strange kind of romance...
I don't know why to cry out loud...
But I'm feeling fiine...
Watch the rhythm of the rain falling down..''

Rain. Colonial Cousins.

I've loved that song from the very first time that I heard it...so many years ago...

I love the rain. Love the wetness on trees...drops of rain falling off leaves into puddles of water on the road *splashed* into by running passersby as they giggle through the joy of a cloud burst...

While others....just stand there....looking heavenwards...eyes closed...feeling every drop touch every pore of their bodies....feeling their clothes get heavy in being so wet.....and yet....they stand there....

Another stand by the ocean...watching in fear...and awe...at the might and fury of the ocean...watching the water crash and pound the shore...again..and again...and again........and again...like having sex...the sensation overcomes you...overtakes you...and you're lost in elysium...

Another watches from a balcony...dreaming about his life gone by...sitting with his cup of chai...and biscuit or bread...a distance in his eyes...she looks down at him....smiling as she always has through that picture...

Another enjoys the smell of of the earth..after the first showers...the freshness in the air..and runs to the 'vada pao walla' across the street - he's soaked by the time he gets there :) ...but biting into a hot vada pao makes it worthwhile....

All...expressions of the rain. Like a beautiful song playing somewhere in the background....beyond space and time......in your mind......

you and i talk

i talk to you - you talk to me

i talk to my perception of you - you talk to your perception of me

i talk to who i think you are - i talk to who i think you're not - you talk to who you think i am - you talk to who you think im not

i fart - you make a face

i look at you - you wonder why i'm looking at you

you ask me a question - i continue to stare

i wonder about perception

i wonder about pretense

i wonder about selfish motives

i look again and you aren't there

i bring you back immediately

imaginary friends cant come and go as they please