»relationships«

...went out on Saturday to a friends party - the first of 'The Sessions' (if ur in bangalore, you're like to hear of them soon enough ;) ...got quite smashed and within the first half hour i'd already had my own 'session' in the loo! lol ...but after that it was fun :) ...just maintained a nice 'high' and was in high spirits the rest of the evening!

...same evening, got a call from a close friend of mine who was down from the States for a while and i hadn't got around to spending much time with him...and i guess...not i guess - i definately was kicking myself for not having spent much time with him while he was here - cuz he was calling me from Bombay International Airport :) ....but then there's no point in kicking yourself if you haven't made the effort...better to do so when you have the opportunity than kicking yourself later...

Life's been good over the last few weeks...realized how small (and continues to get smaller) Bangalore is when i found about someone who i know who is seeing someone i used to know and there are multiple connections and what not...

Really...that way Bangalore can get quite incestuous...i mean, it's almost like there are these 20 or 30 different men and the same number of women - who are probably best known in most circles - and if most of these people know most of the others...chances are there'll have been a bit of 'swapping' here and there...

Was having this conversation with a friend of mine actually...where she was of the opinion that it isn't necessary for people to get married just because they are in love...and that apparently - this is what she told me - that even scientifically, love as an emotion in its truest form or whatever, that lasts in a marriage only for the first 3 or 4 years...and beyond that it's just companionship or friendship or compromise...and that's what the marriage...and because of that theory - she is of the opinion that's its better to just live in with someone and not necessarily get married - cuz 'marriage' per se is a societal obligation or 'stamp'...

Agreed - but not with everything. I too think that maybe living in with someone might possibly help best evaluate the pros and cons of doing that in the context of a marriage in the long term - so in the short term, even in living together, it's almost as if ur living together as a married couple - it just that the attitude of the people around you (society) changes when it's 'official' to live together.

That's all well and good - but then in just living together cuz it suits each other and you're in love and all that - and then not necessarily looking at marriage - OR - looking at marriage as a stamp that will bind you, and so you don't necessarily have to be married cuz it doesn't suit you....that's just convenience. And that - is just two individuals in a convenient relationship, in my mind. I'm sure others have their own opinion on the subject, and that's fine.

I don't think i'd want to be in a 'live-in' relationship forever. Or even for an extended period of time. Not because 'society' might have an opinion on the subject - it has an opinion on the color of your underwear if you let it - but because i ultimately want to be married and 'living-in' with someone isn't as important as it is to find that balance of making decisions that two people can collectively make, can collectively sacrifice on, can collectively compromise on...cuz marriage is about that, it is about adjustements. It's like that TV ka antenna, "thoda right pe...nahin nahin...thod left....haan ab thoda upar...haan now right again....no no no no back back back!!" - marriage is like that :)

Maybe i'm speaking more confidently on the subject than i should...but that's just how i feel about it right now. It's like the 'idealistic' opinion of life that you have when you're a young adolescent....a teenager. Everything is so 'right' and you're so righteous in your views. In a way - that's so inspiring. Infact, were i to see a kid feeling a certain way about subjects that they'll experience only later in life - i wouldn't discourage them from feeling that way. Not in mock laughter of their emotions, but in admiration of the fact that they feel the way they do. It's so pure. And if they have to learn what they have to learn - they will. Who's to say they won't achieve what they say they will? Afterall, it must've taken a kid to say that someday he'll reach the moon and a few decades later - he did.

So, opinions change. People change. People evolve. They grow and outgrow their ideas and the people they're surrounded by. The one's who grow the most are the ones who accept this process. The one's who regress the most are the ones who fight it. The one's who stagnate the most are the one's who have no opinion.

Marriage is a beautiful concept. Just a coupl've weeks back, my parents were actually hypothesizing the 'financials' of yours trulys' marriage! :) Suffice to say, i have some 'work' to do before i can contribute to that budget :) But it's something to aspire to. Afterall, to some, marriage and the idea of sharing your life with one person, for the rest of your life...is a beautiful ideal. Isn't that what most people want? Sure, that can happen with live-in relationships as well...but that's not the route for me :)

Life is good. And it can only get better. Cheers to that!

.....it is isn't it?

Nature.

Unpredictable. Violent. Moody. Beyond comprehension... You don't know how the weather will change - one minute it's sunny, the next it's cloudy. One minute it's windy - the next it's raining....

The weather is so unpredictable.

As are people.

One minute they're interested...the next they're not. One minute they're committed...the next they're not. What is it about this 'non-commital nature' of people? And where does it come from...

I was flipping through the BT this morning and found a snippet on Cameron Diaz and how she's so 'commitment-phobic' because she was supposedly very spoilt as a child and is used to getting her way with everything...

That's one theory i guess. You can't exactly choose to 'do your own thing' when you're in a committed relationship, because a lot of the time the choices you make are not just for yourself but they're for the relationship - even if they're choices that you make alone, without the knowledge of your partner/person you're seeing. And for me - that's one aspect of a relationship that's so amazing....to make a choice that you wouldn't otherwise make, and yet you do - and you're ok with it - because its probably best 'for the relationship'. And it's important to want to be in a place like that...where you don't question those choices or decisions.

I've been in two serious relationships, but i've also been through 'phases' where i didn't want to commit to anyone. That's not to say i was 'commitment phobic', just that i didn't want to commit to any 'one' person during that phase. I wanted to meet a lot of people....enjoy the attention i got....try not to do anything wrong or misleading (though i've done that as well)...and generally do my own thing. Now, for me, the non-committal nature was because i didn't want to be tied down by a relationship...i didn't want my freedom curtailed...i didn't want to have to think or wonder before wanting to speak to someone or meet someone - else....

I went through that phase. And then i got over it.

Eventually i realised that i didn't want that feeling of being 'alone' after i'd dropped someone home or just after coffee or after going dancing when i was on my own.

Cuz that's how i felt.

I was on my own.

And for what? Just because i wanted to feel as much of being 'wanted'? That's what it is really. And that's a very selfish way of looking at things - I am admitting - i was selfish.

But now i want to be selfish in a different way. I want the satisfaction of seeing someone smile, knowing that making her smile was my only purpose - and not for anything that would happen after making her smile.

I want to go on long drives and maybe get stuck or lost somewhere...or have a flat tyre....and laugh through that - together.

Cuz these are the moments that make that time spent with this one person - so special. It's not to say that you can't do all this when you're just 'going around' or 'just friends'....but it's so much more when you know that you're not looking at being involved in something for a certain timeframe or 'while the goings good'.

Though - 'It takes two to tango' :)

...and it's very important that - that is the case. It's important to be clear in your mind about why you're getting into a relationship. If you're in the 'i want to do my own thing' mindset while the person you're seeing or want to be seeing is in the 'i want to do our own thing' mindset - that can cause some amount of acrimony between the two. Sooner than later.

It's like two beakers of extremely hot water and extremely cold water - leaving them side by side will ensure that eventually they come down to the same temperature....but you have to wait.....for a long time.

If the hot water is poured into the cold water or vice-versa - you get quite a reaction! But two extremes fizzle out just as quickly...

Ideal scenario would be room temperature water....hehe ...you atleast have the most options with 'regular' water, right? ")

...but that's the 'ideal scenario'....where people meet each other being on the 'exact same' wave length.... appreciating each other for being in the same place....at the same time....in each other's lives.

Most times it's usually 'blow hot, blow cold'. Like Nature.

It's unpredictable. Volatile. Moody.

...its important to deal with your own demons and clear out your own cobwebs in your mind before 'committing' yourself - and you do so in the interest of the person you're seeing and the relationship overall. You need to want to be in a relationship - for it to be healthy - and for it to work....

If you're in a place where the nature of your feelings is non-committal - then you owe it to yourself and the person you might or could be involved with - to sort that out. Soon.

Else you're just two beakers of hot water and cold water. And time is passing you by....

...i wrote this out once and it got erased cuz i pressed the back button on the browser while i wasn't connected online and pressed the forward button to find a blank screen - arrrrrrrrrrrghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!

....ok......calming down.....(Karn.....breaaaatthheeee).....

...hmmmm...

ok...so what i was saying was that, 'envy' and 'jealousy' are a waste of emotions....in that - feeling them is a waste when you could use that 'energy' more productively....hehehe....

envy and jealousy are like these two little devils having a field day at the expense of your relationship....or just your emotions in general....and the funny part is that they're self created....and thereby the feeling is self induced....and if it is infact self-induced, then you can just as easily choose not to feel them.....but we still do!! Such a waste....

most obvious reason for either of them coming about is insecurity....which is also self-induced....cuz if you think about it - this person in your life isn't asking you to feel this way....maybe sometimes your significant other might do it just to check how strongly you feel for him/her - which also happens as a result of their own insecurities.....but, he/she isn't asking you to feel the way you do...you're feeling it as a result of not having dealt with certain situations from the past maybe? Or not having dealt with how you might deal with something happening a certain way.....or you just not having dealt - with yourself....

Knowing yourself makes a tremendous difference. Knowing your strengths...and especially your weaknesses....one point of view is that - in knowing your weaknesses atleast, you're aware of when someone might be trying to exploit the same...but also - just 'knowing'....gives you a tremendous sense of reassurance...a sense of being at ease with yourself....not being 'on edge'...

It's very important to acknowledge one's weaknesses - to your own self. That's the only way you'll ever be able to do something about them - that is....if you want to.

So many of us go through life....'brushing things under the carpet'....'turning a blind eye'....'glossing over things'....'overlooking the obvious'....all because it makes us not deal with something - for that moment...in that moment. And then the moment passes...and we feel better....

...but in dealing with life that way....and our emotions that way....it's like driving in peak traffic....and it's raining heavily....and you have to make a half hours worth of a distance in 12 minutes...you got it.....all the makings of a disaster!

So...dealing with the 'twin devils' is really a personal choice....you can either let them consume you....or overcome them - in just choosing to do so.

Yes yes....i know....it's easier said than done.....and believe me - i should probably read this post atleast a coupl've times a week....but if you really care, you'll make the effort to deal - with yourself.

Ofcourse, it helps if your 'significant other' notices the effort and atleast helps by not giving the 'twin devils' any fodder to chew on! ;)