»silence«

...there used to be a clothes store in Cambridge Layout called 'Obsession'...had the same font as the perfume...by Dior if i'm not mistaken...

'Obsession'....seeing the beginnings of an 'obsession'....being consumed by something....overpowered by something that you feel you have no control over...or don't even realize that it's you who is being controlled....

To have this unflinching desire to see, feel, hear...your obsession....healthy and unhealthy.........but how is it healthy?...or is that even a question...cuz obsessions are always pictured...picturized on psychopaths....

Like Robert De Niro in a coupl've films he has done....whether in 'Raging Bull' where he was obsessed with his wife....or in another movie where he played a psychopath obsessed with this girl...to the point of wanting to kill her....

What about Obsession in love? ...Raging Bull is one example....our hindi movies are rife with the same....Baazigar with Shah Rukh Khan....what makes a psychopath think the way he does?

The other day i read about a teenager who killed a 9year old boy and narrated the entire episode to the cops in a supposedly 'expressionless' manner...no feeling...no emotion....aseptic...

How do people not feel? ....actually that's wrong...they do. Just that maybe, what they feel for themselves....the thrill or the need to have...to satisfy themselves is far greater than the possibility of empathizing with someone....forget empathizing....the ability to recognize emotion in another person....be it fear..terror... - then again, those are the only emotions they recognize...on a surface level....they don't see why that person has fear or terror in their eyes...they don't see the though of losing one's life...being snatched away from loved ones....of dreams being unfulfilled - showing up as fear.........they only see the fear itself - because to them that's the purity in the emotion...they only see it at the surface level....only at the Yin level....not Yang....

The same happened with the asian youth who modelled himself on a movie (the same was made into a hindi movie - Zinda)...where it's blatant and absolute violence....- actually, blatant and absolute violence would be 'Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels'....cutting off someones ear while humming a 70's disco tune - .....the asian youngster went on a shooting rampage in a university in the US recently....a month or so ago....




How much of all this do we actually feel.....

You feel a pin prick....but do you feel anything when you see life ebbing away from someone's eyes....




Someday....these visions of earth being smoke...and ash...and destroyed buildings....cities.....countries....worlds...... someday..... will all that be real?

How aseptic are you to that? The air we breathe is largely composed of human skin....what are we going to do one day when we can actually see what we're breathing in....

....how aseptic am i to writing what im writing about if im looking for the right song that'll keep the 'mood' alive...for me to completely get out of myself whatever i have to say about this....about how i feel....

are we obsessed about all the wrong things....

time is just a measure....a figment of someone's imagination....day and night might exist...but slotting them into what we know them as - measure of passing of time - are a man made creation....a thought that we don't question and unflinchingly believe....

Unflinching belief - is that obsession?

to unflinchingly believe in one's own self....is that obsession....to be consumed by one's own self....to unflinchingly believe that every thought that enters our minds is right...before it's wrong....or before it's proven wrong....

Obsession has no answers. Obsession is also a search....a result of a yearning for something not there...not available....a perceived need....

And once you have your obsession....then what do you obsess about?

ever had the feeling of saying something that as soon as you said you realized maybe you shouldn't have said? and when you're with a bunch of people, suddenly everyone is quiet and there's this strange silence...like when someone farts in public. Really.

When someone farts in public, or when you fart and you're with a bunch of friends, everyone just pretends like it never happened, but there's ALWAYS a silence :) People will look at each other or suddenly look into their cup of coffee or look into space - when they really want to go, "hahahahahahhahaha" or "yuck!!! what'd you eat for lunch?!!" or "are you gonna start floating soon?"

hehe

Sometimes silences can be fun too....or frustrating, depending on which way you look at it. Like when a guy is really into a girl and he wants to say something more definite along those lines to her and she senses it too but he's stuttering or hemming and hawing or she can tell he wants to say something and he's just sitting there looking at her and at the white plastic table and the slightly bent coffee spoon and the bright purple colored lights - everywhere else except at her...and she's getting increasingly frustrated with every passing minute! Frustrating for her, funny for anyone watching them both!

Then you have silences between two people, who possibly respect each other, but one has let the other person down and there's just silence between them. One standing, the other sitting. One looking, the other looking away. And so much is said in silence.

You have silences of love...silences of lust...looking across the room at someone you'd like to take back home...but instead you just look...and are looked back at...nothing is said...and yet so much is understood.

Silences of pain....of seeing someone slip away...into a deep sleep...you cry and hold her...as she fades away...into silence...

You have silences of distance...of space...looking at the horizon standing on a dessert dune....or at the edge of a cliff looking deep into a canyon...the silence broken only by the howling of the wind and the sudden screeching of a hawk high above.....or the silence of water gurgling past you as you wade through the depths of a pool...or go underwater, trying to listen to the sounds of the ocean...

Then there are silences of hurt..of being betrayed. A million thoughts and images run through your mind as you try and grapple with them...each image stabbing you like a pincer...going straight into your every pore..unadulterated pain...in silence.

Certain silences we can do nothing about...except accepting them....and yet that's the last thing we do...we fight silence. Because it brings discomfort or w associate discomfort...with silence.

The silence within....because in silence, there's so much noise...........violent noise.